Titles Are Overrated Anyway
by Tigersonggm
Summary: Take one slightly crazed fan-girl. Blend on high for ten seconds. Mix a parallel universe and a Time Lord. Bake thoroughly. Chill for two hours, then sit back and watch the fun begin.
1. Chapter 1

The Doctor hummed a little tune to himself as he danced around the TARDIS console, flicking switches and pulling levers. The engines hummed as the TARDIS flew through space, spinning as it went. He plopped down in his chair.

"Ah... Finally, a little break. I think I'm craving American food. And not some greasy corn dog or mystery meat," he said. "You know what? Choose for me!" He cringed as a shower of sparks rained down. "What? What? Was it something I said?" The Doctor stood indignantly. Sparks fell again as the TARDIS lurched and threw him back into his seat. Running his hands through his hair, the Doctor rolled his eyes. "Sorry! Could you please choose for me?"

In response, a nearby lever lowered itself and two switches changed position. Smiling, the Doctor fished his dark-rimmed glasses out of his jacket and perched them on his nose. Spinning over to the display screen, he bent down to take a closer look and smiled. "You never let me down, do you?" He said, stuffing his glasses back in his jacket.

A few moments later, the TARDIS bumped to a stop somewhere in America. The Doctor grabbed his trench coat and poked his head outside the doors. The TARDIS had arrived in an alleyway. Closing the doors behind him, he Doctor walked away, whistling. He didn't notice the girl at the other end of the alley staring at him. Once he turned the corner, she approached the TARDIS in awe, almost with reverence, and reached out a hand to touch it. Suddenly, she seemed to snap back to reality, and she covered her mouth and bent over before running away.

Tigersonggm here! I... don't want to sound uptight, but I am confident in my writing abilities, and while I know that not everyone likes what I write, I know that I enjoy doing it and will never stop. So don't be afraid to R&R! Please, all you Whovians out there, if (and when) I make a mistake, PM me. Please. And for the English/spelling people, grammar errors MUST BE REPORTED. I DO NOT TOLERATE THEM. Especially if I made them in the first place. This is my first fanfic, but NOT my first story. So don't hate, appreciate! This is also the first time anything I've written is available to the public, so I'm excited... but also a bit worried that no one will read it. But still! Thanks, people! And I am a procrastinator, if nothing else. Come on, let's be honest! So I'm not setting any deadlines right now. Bye!


	2. Chapter 2

Then Doctor stopped in front of a low brick building and stepped inside the door to be greeted by the smell of salt and seafood. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he took a seat at the bar and drummed his fingers on the counter as he waited. The bartender finished taking the order of a stocky man in a fishing vest before heading over to the Doctor. "Good morning, sir, and welcome to Don's Seafood. My name is Greg. Can ah recommend the Spicy Seafood Platter?" The Doctor replied, "Yes, thanks." Greg wrote it on his pad and asked, "Are you British? We don't get people from Europe down here in New Orleans too often." The Doctor nodded, and the bartender chuckled. "I don't think you came all th'way down here just for us, didja?" The Doctor stopped drumming his fingers and smiled slightly. "Actually, I did! Just for you, Greg!" he quipped cheerfully. Greg raised an eyebrow. I don't care how loony he is, thought the bartender, as long as he pays. Then he asked the Doctor what he would like to drink. A beer, maybe?

"Oh no. I don't drink," he replied. "I think I'll have..." Suddenly, the hairs on the back of the Doctor's neck stood up. That usually meant that someone was watching him, and most of the time that wasn't a good thing. Nonchalantly, he scratched the back of his neck and turned to scan the room. His eyes fell on a girl of about thirteen sitting with her family of six in a booth. While her family chatted and squabbled, she simply sat with her chin in her hands. She stared at the Doctor as if he had sprouted a second head and started dancing an Irish jig. She had medium-length dirty blonde hair that reminded him of Rose. She had dark-rimmed glasses which complimented her big brown eyes. She would have looked quite pretty if she didn't look like her eyes were about to pop out of her head. The Doctor made eye contact with her for a second, and she looked away turning back to face the bartender, he said, "...an Earl Gray, two sugars please." Greg nodded and left. The Doctor retrieved the sonic screwdriver from his pocket and lowered it to waist level under the bar counter, hidden from sight. Activating it, he quickly scanned the girl and checked the readings. Human, he thought. He scanned the rest of her family and confirmed them to be human as well. Puzzled, he put away the sonic and tried to think if he had ever seen her or her family before. He came up with nothing at all. A few minutes later, the bartender returned and gave the Doctor his food and tea. He dug into the plate of well seasoned crustaceans with relish. All the while, he observed the girl in the reflection of a picture frame hanging on the wall. She talked sith her family, laughed and ate, but kept an eye on the Doctor. He tried not to let it bother him, but it did.

The Doctor was still pondering the girl when he returned to the TARDIS, only to be greeted by a yellow alert. Frowning, he tossed his coat aside and strode over to the display screen. He tapped several buttons and a clip of surveillance footage began to play. He watched himself exit the TARDIS and turn the corner. Then a girl appeared and touched the TARDIS with a gentle hand. It was her! From the restaurant! She covered her mouth with her hands and dashed away. Striking a few keys, the Doctor paused the footage on a frame ofhe face. That look... Was it... Recognition?


	3. Chapter 3

Fern's head was a soup of gray matter, because her brain had exploded earlier. Not really, of course. It wouldn't explode; it would spontaneously combust. She thought about the things she had seen. There's only one explanation, she thought. I'm insane. Too much Doctor Who. I've cracked. I saw the TARDIS and the Doctor, or David Tennant, whichever it was.

In the backseat of her car, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and texted her friend, Elizabeth, who was also a die-hard whovian. This is the conversation that followed.

Fern: Elizabeth. guess what happened. and before u say anything, i want u to know that i'm not lying about any of this. give me something to swear on, something really important.

Elizabeth: Um... Swear on David Tennant's sideburns.

Fern: I swear on David Tennant's sideburns that i saw the TARDIS appear. It did the vroompy sound and everything. Then the Doctor, or David Tennant, came out. When he left i even touched the freaking TARDIS. DO U HEAR ME? I TOUCHED THE FREAKING TARDIS. We went to a restaurant and he was there and he saw me staring at him and he buzzed me with the sonic. I dont think he noticed. i think he was trying 2 see if i was human or something. i don't know if i'm crazy, drugged, dead, or dreaming.

Elizabeth: … How... who... what... but...

Fern: I know right? look, i even got a pic of him in the restaurant.

Elizabeth: send it 2 me.

Fern: Now do u believe me?

Elizabeth: Holy shit.

Fern: I'm scared.

Elizabeth: So, no aliens? Wut happened?

Fern: He ordered the spicy seafood platter and an earl grey with 2 sugars.

Elizabeth: …

Elizabeth: so, exactly how much LSD did they put in our food?

Back in the TARDIS, the Doctor was following the girl's car home. Yes, it was stalker-ish. But it was for a good cause! Well, not really. Thinking for a moment, the Doctor hurried over to the mobile he had and used the sonic screwdriver on it. A string of texts showed up. They were the ones the girl was sending. The Doctor read them and furrowed his brow. Putting away the mobile, he spoke aloud to the TARDIS. "TARDIS, search databases for David Tennant." To his surprise, there was nothing on that man. "Then... Search the internet for David Tennant," he decisively.

The Doctor's eyes widened when he saw what appeared on the screen. Hundreds and hundreds of pictures of... well, him. Or someone who looked just like him. Digging a little deeper, he discovered that Tennant was an actor who played in a show about... him. Not Tennant, but the Doctor himself. Staggering to the chair, the Doctor sat and ran his hands through his epic hair. After a few moments he returned to the monitor and searched some more. This show was his life story... Tennant played his tenth regeneration. The episodes were stories of his life.

"But... I... There was never a..." he stopped. "Oh. Oh, oh of course! Parallel universe! That's what it is! But when did I pass through? I mean, there was no jolt, other than the usual ones..." The TARDIS suddenly gave a tremendous heave and he was thrown off the platform and into the area below. Popping his head up, he growled, "Oi! Sorry! I just discovered I'm in a parallel universe! Cut me some slack here, will you?"


	4. Chapter 4

Fern was trying to convince herself of her sanity. She kept up her normal routine, though. When her family got home later that evening, she took a shower, brushed her teeth, and got in bed. She wore a white tee with the word 'Toyota' written on it, and black yoga pants. Basically, really comfy stuff. Fern grabbed the book she was currently reading, which happened to be an Uncle John's Bathroom Reader (A/N: Look it up.) and began to read. Or, at least, she tried to. Her mind kept wandering to other things... Big, blue, boxy things. Things with epic hair and a trench coat. Sighing, she tossed the book aside, and it landed right on her left foot. A 1,200 page hardcover book usually isn't very light. Sucking in breath through her teeth, Fern grabbed her foot and rubbed it for a moment. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she sighed again. "There's no way I can get to sleep this distracted," she thought. Resignedly, she took her glasses off, placed them on her nightstand and switched off the lamp. Between the throbbing of her foot and the thoughts swimming through her head, Fern couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning for a few minutes, she realized something. Her foot wasn't throbbing anymore. In fact, she couldn't feel it at all. Perturbed, she sat up, put her glasses back on, and switched the lamp back on. Then she threw back the covers.

What she saw made her stifle a scream. A jellyfish-like...thing was clutching her foot. It was about the size of a house cat, and was a pale gray. The numbness had already reached her knee, and she grabbed her elbows and closed her eyes tight. Fern began to think.

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The Doctor yelped and flinched. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved the psychic paper and tossed it on the console. Blowing on his stinging fingers, he eyed the paper curiously. "That was a very direct message," he thought. Flipping it open, he read the message that appeared in shaky print. "HELP ME OH GOD PLEASE DOCTOR I'M SCARED PLEASE COME HURRY DOCTOR HELP ME PLEASE I'M SO SCARED"

The Doctor's face hardened and he began to track the message's source. Throwing one final lever, he looked up, expecting the familiar jolt of the TARDIS changing course. Nothing happened. Raising an eyebrow, the Doctor lifted the lever and threw it again with emphasis. Nada. Checking a few dials, he furrowed his brow. The signal came from the girl's location, where he was already headed.

Moments later, the TARDIS landed. The Doctor dashed to the door and had his hands out, ready to throw open the doors, when he heard it. Knock. Knock. Knock. Surprised, he flung open the doors and almost stepped on her. The girl from the resturaunt lay at his feet. She was very pale, and in her nightclothes. Her hand was still raised from knocking, and she looked at the Doctor. Then she closed her eyes and slumped to the floor, unconscious. Swooping down to pick her up, the Doctor noticed her foot and stopped for a split second. A small Brakari was attached to her. Horrified, he grabbed her and staggered back into the TARDIS. Dashing through one of the hallways of the TARDIS, he found the room he was searching for and laid the girl gently on the bed. Turning, he sprinted back to the control room and into a small alcove where a large chest lay. Throwing it open, he rummaged through and grabbed a device with a tube and a platform. Running back to the girl, he activated the device and removed the Brakari. Placing it aside with care, he returned to the girl and put her under the covers. Sitting next to her, he pulled his stethoscope out and gently placed it on her chest. Badump. Badump. Badump. Satisfied, he put it away and scanned her with the sonic screwdriver. Other than being, you know, unconscious, she was okay. The Brakari had sapped her energy halfway up her upper legs, but the energy was slowly returning to her. Sighing with relief, the Doctor left and returned a few minutes later with a steaming mug of hot cocoa. Placing it on the table next to the girl, he left, closing the door softly behind him. He returned to the control room and sat down. The Doctor put his head in his hands and sighed.


	5. Chapter 5

Soft. Warm. Warm felt good. Fern shivered. Her throat burned. She coughed weakly.

In the control room, the Doctor stopped drumming his fingers and sat up. The sounds of weak coughing reached his ears. Leaping to his feet, he dashed to the girl, almost falling flat on his face in his haste.

Fern closed her eyes as a splitting headache exploded in her skull. She moaned softly.

The Doctor screeched to a halt in front of the girl's door, about to fling it open with a bang. Pausing for a moment, he instead silently opened the door and entered the room. Judging from her short breaths, he knew the girl was awake. As he approached quietly, her eyes scrunched tighter and she let out a quiet moan of pain. The Doctor sat on the edge of the bed.

When Fern felt the bed bend, she opened her eyes. She sat up and put a hand to her throbbing head. Blinking, she looked around, oblivious to the Doctor's presence, and murmured, "Where the heck am I..." Fern turned to see the Doctor next to her. She froze. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I..." She stuttered like a scratched record. Fern sighed and slumped to the floor, unconscious. The Doctor stood, surprised, and kneeled next to her, then scanned her with the sonic. "She fainted," he murmured, resting his arms on his knees.

At that moment, the girl woke up and let out a small squeaky noise, then scrabbled backwards until she was backed up against the corner, eyes wide. "Oh my god, it's... it's you! But... You! Oh my god, YOU! And I'm... What the... But I don't... You can't just... Where... It's... Meep." The girl stopped talking and just stared of into the distance.

Unaffected, the Doctor strode over to her and offered his hand. She grabbed it and stood shakily. Her eyes were still looking at nothing in particular. She looked at her thin hand in the Doctor's, and her legs gave way. Swooping down, the Doctor grabbed her under the shoulders and stood her back up. "Ah ah ah! Twice in one day is more than enough. No more fainting, miss." her eyes focused and she looked at him, then sat on the bed. "But you're not real! Unless you're David Tennant pulling a prank, but the Brakari and the TARDIS in the alleyway was real, so either I'm dreaming, or dead. Hell, if I'm dreaming, the person who wakes me up is going to get falcon punched in the Adams apple, I swear." She stopped and stood up. "Hey, do you mind if I ask you some stuff? Just to, you know, make sure you're real." The Doctor shrugged.

"Two hearts?"

"Yep."

"Gallifreyan?"

"Yes."

"Regeneration?"

"Tenth."

"How many people are supposed to pilot the TARDIS?"

"Six."

"Color of the sonic screwdriver?"

"Blue."

"Time Lord?"

"Correctomundo."

"Well, I think you're real, but how do I know I'm not dreaming? Which I probably am."

"It's quite obvious. Dreams don't make sense. This does. Weeellll, sort of."

She blanched. "Oh shittake mushrooms, you're right. The only dream I've had that kinda made sense involved a talking velociraptor, orange penguins, and a flying RV. And I just rattled off all that embarrassing stuff in front of you! Oh god, he probably thinks I'm an idiot. Crap, Fern, you're doing it again!"

"I don't."

She looked confused. "Don't... What?"

"Don't think you're an idiot. You're quite intelligent, in fact. Sending such a direct psychic distress signal requires significant brain power." Silence. "It's Fern, right?"

"Uh huh," Fern replied halfheartedly.

"Why the long face?" he queried.

"I screwed up my first meeting with the Doctor!"


	6. Chapter 6

Fern recovered a moment later. She seemed about to say something, then stopped. "I have to get home. Now."

"Of course. Don't want your family worrying about you."

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"No."

"Yes. Remember the thing that almost killed me?"

"Oh, the Brakari? It's better now, I took care of it."

Fern face palmed. "That Brakari was a baby. Sick, too. Those things live in deep space. Now, I don't know why it was in southern Louisiana, but that's not really important now. What is is the fact that if it's a baby, the mother is probably flipping out looking for it. They feed off energy. That's why the little one tried to suck the life out of me. Now, I know it's not its fault, they're not sentient. And where was the baby last? In my house, or on my foot, to be more specific. So where is the big hulking mother heading right now?"

A look of horror crossed the Doctor's face. "To your house."

"Thank you! And if we don't get there right now, she's gonna suck the life out of my family!" Running past the Doctor, Fern ran off down the corridor. Running his hands through his already messy hair, the Doctor ran after her, expecting to find the girl lost in the winding corridors of the TARDIS and bring her to the control room. So when he heard her yell "Doooctooor!" He ran faster, only to skid to a halt in the control room. Fern was running around the console exasperatedly.

"How did you... Get here so fast?" He said, appearing at her side.

"I ran," she said flatly. "Now please just get me home!" Fern said, all hints of sarcasm gone from her tone as she wrung her hands anxiously.

Urgently, he set the TARDIS on a course for Fern's home. Taking a seat on the captain's chair, he looked at Fern. She was staring at the TARDIS engines anxiously, as if willing them to go faster. He watched the pattern of her hands. Left hand, up, down, twist, right hand, up down twist. They only stopped once the TARDIS landed.


	7. Chapter 7

They emerged in a field. It was dark, and very, very humid. Pulling a face, the Doctor remarked, "Ugh. So humid. How is it that none of you have developed gills yet?" He chuckled nervously, trying to make light of the situation.

Fern didn't quite seem to register exactly what he said. When they'd exited the TARDIS, she had started the finger thing again. "Oh, yeah... Our humidity percentage rarely drops below seventy-five percent..." Fern was a little out of it.

Taking note of the temperature, the Doctor noticed Fern shivering slightly. He shedded his coat and draped it around her shoulders. SHe jumped and look over her shoulder at him, then smiled nervously. "Thanks."

"C'mon, let's go." The Doctor started off to the house in the not-so-far-away-after-all distance.

About halfway there, a blue floating thing, the Brakari mother, about the size of a door, sort of phased through the wall of the house. "No. _No._ No no no no no no! Not yet! Not yet!" He grimaced and ran a hand through his already-messy hair. "Fern, come on!" He broke into a run. A moment later, he noticed the obvious lack of footfalls behind him and looked back in alarm.

Fern stood where he had stopped, gripping her elbows with white knuckles. Her deep brown eyes were wide and glazed, and the irises were barely visible behind her severely dilated pupils. Short, shallow breaths fell from her mouth as her hair framed her pale face. Fern's whole body shivered violently as if she had just been extracted from a snowdrift. He dashed to her side, and could almost hear her heart beating frantically in her chest.

Aghast, the Doctor knelt in front of her and gently pried her shivering fingers from her elbows. "Fern, Fern, it'll be okay. It's alright."

Fern didn't respond in the slightest.

The Doctor scooped her up for the fourth time in twenty four hours and dashed off to the house again.

As he arrived, Fern's tremors stopped, her pupils shrank, and her breathing went back to normal as color returned to her cheeks bit by bit. Fern blinked. When she realized where she was, or more importantly, who was carrying her, she blushed from head to toe. "Doctor, y-you can put me down now."

He obliged.

Fern looked at the ground, ashamed. "Oh god, Doctor, I'm so sorry, I should've told you that I get anxiety attacks. I'm just gonna mess everything up and get us all in danger. I'm -"

The Doctor put a hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. "Hey. Fern, it's not your fault. Calm down. But we really don't have time for this." She nodded. "Now hurry and show me to the door."

After a moment, she seemed to collect herself, and she walked forward with purpose. "After you open the door, there's an alarm system on the right. Shut that down." They reached the door. "My parents are probably the lightest sleepers in the world. As soon as the door is open, you probably have two seconds to turn off the alarm before it beeps and alerts everyone here, including the Brakari." Fern paled. "Which is probably about to suck the life out of someone. Doctor, hurry up!"


End file.
